I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
