I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
