Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
