Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
