My first STD was from a foam party
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
