He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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