She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize