I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
