My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
