Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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