I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
