I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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