i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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