I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
false alarm, still single
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