It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
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