I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
