Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
