At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
