and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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