so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
