I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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