I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize