I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You don't make any sense
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