I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
