Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
