Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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