i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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