is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
