My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
