Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
