addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
