We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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