Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
