No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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