My room smells like vodka and shame
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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