alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
