I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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