Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
