I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
