i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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