cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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