I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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