Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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