No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
