ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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