Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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