Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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