so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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