You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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