the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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