So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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