lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
