After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
