I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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