my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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