So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
