Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
