remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
