I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
