I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
