We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
