Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He better not be in your backpack
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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