im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
