I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
