You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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