how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
