Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize