she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
